Done Defending Myself
I am guilty of defending myself, more than I would like to admit. When I am wrongfully accused, called out, or questioned - I immediately try to defend my character, my actions, and my words. But you know what?
It doesn’t matter.
So, why do I push myself to exhaustion repeatedly trying to defend myself? Why do I let anger control my thoughts when I feel threatened? Why do I allow wrongful accusations to affect me so much? The answer is simple. Friend, I AM HUMAN.
Things are about to get real deep and real vulnerable - please, bare with me. Know that I am sharing this with you because I feel the NEED to connect with you on the topic. Vulnerability, love, and acceptance has been weighing on my heart and I feel like I need to share that with you. Remember that we all have our struggles.
“I am who He says I am.”
A statement that has stuck with me over the last year or so. As silly as it might sound, this sentence scares the hell out of me. Because I don't know who I am. Even though I have been desperately searching for myself and trying to decide the kind of person I am - I still feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I am constantly feeling conflicted on how to handle situations, but my usual response to issues is setting up my defense, prepping myself for a fight.
I get ready to “justify” myself.
Now, I believe the reason for my immediate defensive response roots back to the fact that I don’t know who I am. Because of that, I feel the need to prove myself to others. I feel like I HAVE to counter-argue every false statement, every accusation, every question that comes my way because I don’t know who I am. And I want others to know me the way I want them to, not the way someone inaccurately displays me. So, I DEFEND myself.
But again, it doesn’t matter.
Because I am who HE says I am. Although I don’t fully know who that is yet, I am learning. Now, the wonderful thing about truly BELIEVING that He knows who you are, is that you don’t have to worry about defending yourself anymore. You have nothing to prove. There’s nothing to argue.
Just have faith, repent, and BELIEVE in Him.
Let the others think they “know” you. Let them say what they want about you. Let their words roll off of you - don’t absorb them. Because friend, THEY are not the ones who KNOW you. HE is, HE knows you, HE created you! We’re even told in the bible that he knows each one of our thoughts before we even THINK them - I really don’t think it’s possible for any human to know us that well. I have faith that I am who He says I am - not who some random person on Facebook says I am. Not who my friend says I am. Not even who I say I am.
I am who HE says I am. And because of that, I am done defending myself.